The end is nigh is a phrase you’d expect to see on a sandwich board being carried by a particularly pessimistic, usually, male through busy shopping streets. You’d hardly give him a second glance as you go about your business.
However when it is said in relation to the cricket season it means so much more. It is time for the cricket gear to go into its winter hibernation, not to be seen again until indoor nets, or in some cases until the first game of 2016. Your whites will probably be washed and folded and gleefully put away as your other half looks forward to months of your company. Shopping, decorating, all those little DIY jobs that had managed to evade your grasp during the summer, rear their heads. A normal life beckons.
Of course you might be one of those less organised people whose cricket bag didn’t make it from the boot of the car after the last game and it could reside there for the entire winter. In one case a teammate turned up for the first game of the season, opened his bag and the first thing, apart from the stench, he pulled out was a sandwich which had not been consumed the previous September, but was now a putrid, stinking mess with an unidentifiable filling that now leaked a fluid you wouldn’t want to find beside your drains, let alone in a dressing room. Do not be this person.
However, whichever path you do take, the end of the season is nigh and we all have to prepare, like bears, with or without sore heads, for some months of inactivity. The youth will take up other forms of exercise; the more experienced amongst us will try and slow down the retreat to total unfitness. Some will play outdoor contact sports such as rugby, football, or undertake such masochistic pursuits such as “Hell and Back”. Others will withdraw from the outside and enter the gyms and sport halls of Leinster. And yet more will find the couch attractive. It won’t be long before the sofa forms those marks which fit your cheeks perfectly each time you sit, the table next to it will gain rings from the endless cups of tea, and the television starts to complain it is never off the sports channels. We spend five months out of the house, but always seem amazed that we do not get the remote control the moment we return to the couch, but we have to battle through the soaps, which now have a completely different cast to when you last noticed it, and the return of Downton Abbey.
In years gone by, and this will date many, the only cricket for this fallow period was obtained by tuning into the murky depths of AM radio to pick up Test Match Special, usually under the duvet, to hear snatches of Johnners, John Arlott with his Hampshire burr and EW Swanton describing the Australian summer. Eyes closed (they were only resting honestly), picturing the sun, the heat and the snippets of play, leaving you bleary eyed and pretty much useless for the next day, and in all probability feeling down (or up) as the MCC touring team capitulated yet again. These days thanks to the electronics industry and Rupert Murdoch and his Sky Sports, cricket can be found in glorious High Definition on massive screen that almost put you there. And thanks to globalisation you can settle down with a can of the local brew. Local that is to the cricket, not to you. West Indian tours are followed with Red Stripe lager, Australian tours with Fosters or even Bundy Rum and South African games with Castle lager. Some of the more adventurous people will also produce food from the relevant region. Sub-Continental tours mean early morning spice and heat and Caribbean tours bring jerk chicken, whilst Australian tours could mean BBQ at 3am, but the neighbours might have something to say about that and it is far more likely to be Vegimite on toast (other spread are available).
My favourite tours are the Caribbean tours where the time difference means you can get home from work and settle down for the last three hours of play in front of the television. Of course for pure drama you can not beat that first morning or the first day of the First Test in Australia. Your anticipation grows in the week before the first day: announced teams dissected and criticised: the banter with your Aussie mates; the preparations and gathering of provisions; the next day booked off work. But even this can be spoiled with such ease from thousands of miles away. Who remembers Steve Harmison’s first ball straight to second slip? What a way to start a series. What a way to ruin a night’s entertainment.
So it isn’t too bad this winter lark, and it really isn’t long until we do it all over again. Dragging aged limbs well outside of their comfort zone and increasing sales of Epsom Salts, Radox, pain killers and any other pharmaceutical products that might ease the pain.
Don’t forget that in the middle of this bare empty period is Christmas. I am not referring to the excessive eating and drinking, or even the joy of fighting through the crowds to purchase gifts that will probably never been seen again, but to the opportunity it provides. What do you want for Christmas is answered by many with a shrug of the shoulders and “I dunno”. But you do know and if you have (a) the nerve and (b) the understanding partner you can make the most of the chance you have been given. You can ask for anything: new whites, new pads, new gloves, or even a new bat. How far you go through your wish list will depend on many things that only you can judge. I can only wish you the very best of luck and suggest that if you are going to be brave enough to bring cricket into your Christmas morning then do some research. Don’t say “A bat would be lovely, my old one hasn’t any runs left in it”. Without specifics you may end up with any old bat and not the brand new Grade A willow, hand crafted, oiled and knocked in by 89 year old men who spend their days in rickety sheds carefully using their experience to select just the right piece of wood and who lovingly convert it from plank to run-scoring majestic bat. Partners who do not play have no idea of the wide range of cricket products. “You asked for a bat, you got a bat” is not a phrase you want to hear. Ideally it should be, “Is that the right one, the 2lbs 3oz M&H Harlequin with the blue sticker, the toe guard, the short handle and the two grips?”
Whilst you are re-integrating yourself into your non-cricketing life, there are a body of men, and some women, who will be working feverishly on your behalf to ensure that you can enter the new season seamlessly. In your own Club there will be an individual who will be making fixtures, negotiating leagues and even dealing with issues such as pitches, teas and everything else a club has to do to play cricket.
Within the LCU, the OCC will be holding meetings to review the 2015 season. What went well, what didn’t and how can it be improved? How many games had umpires, how many will have them next season? Which teams seem to have been in the wrong division? Who dominated their leagues and who struggled all season long?
They then have to start assembling the 2016 leagues. How many new teams will be entering the leagues? What assistance do they need? What facilities do they have?
People assume the leagues are just a two up and two down situation, and some people are like me and will have already looked to see who will they be playing in 2016 based on promotion and relegation. If the leagues were operated purely on two up two down then next season will see Division 11 consist of Longford and Ring Commons from Division 10, Clontarf, Lucan and Rush plus Adamstown and The Hills from Division 12. However, it is never that simple and there is so much more than that to be considered. Carlow won their first league on percentage and surely promotion will see them rising more than one division. Although it must be noted that Carlow ended up with less points than the two teams below them. Two walkover wins meant they won the league despite winning three less games. So it becomes less a promotion and relegation and more a complete re-alignment each winter. Cup draws must be made. Division 1 and 2 have their fixtures made centrally, whilst the other 112 teams must each make their 14 league fixtures themselves. That is 1,568 games to be fixed, not counting cup games and T20 cup games. It is a lot of unseen work done year after year by volunteers. Remember this the next time you want to give out or hear others give out about the OCC or the organisation within your own Club. Lots of thankless time consuming tasks that enable you to stroll up in April with everything in place.
So enjoy your winter break, but do so knowing your season may be over, but for others it is just beginning. Of course you may decide to actually get involved and contribute yourself. Well the first step is to let people know you are interested and then go to the LCU AGM and put your name forward. Your reward must be in heaven for it certainly won’t be down here.
The next column will be the last fantasy tables, with our winner announced for overall point scoring, category leaders and of greatest interest for some, Club leaders. Then the pen will be put away, spreadsheets saved and closed and the winter can begin. Now where is that remote control?